I woke up grumpy this morning. Again.
The baby woke up too early. Our house is tiny so she also woke up her brothers. I didn’t get a moment to myself.
I had successfully (is that a “success”?!?!) yelled all all three of my children before 6:30 a.m. I threatened “behavior bootcamp” and taking away all their toys that they make messes with and had about 100 guilty feelings for the way I was handling how I talked to these people that I love more than anything.
I felt that familiar, “how it the world am I going to make it through this day?” feeling come over me that has been hanging around these past few weeks.
I was grumpy about the hot weather forecast.
Grumpy about how I felt pysically.
Grumpy with the dog for being annoying (or is it me that’s the annoying one right now?)
Grumpy with our house, our life situation, the messes that I just can’t stay on top of.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way, but the truth is that I have no good reason TO be so, dare I say, ridiculous.
I have a beautiful family. My husband has a great job. We live in a comfortable home. I’m surrounded by natural beauty. I choose to stay home with my kiddos. I have plenty of opportunity and God-given talents and 1000s of blessings.
But, I choose my happy. I choose what makes me feel good. I choose how I spend my time. I choose my priorities and my privileges and my work and my LOVE. And when I get sucked into the things that I “have” to do with no real reprieve for the things I love to do and love to love, my (teeny tiny)
world bubble spins out of control. Because I also choose my unhappy. And unfortunately its so much easier to choose the unhappy then the happy.
I have always admired those people that have true peace and a love for life and others, no matter what gets thrown their way. I strive for it, and I fail so actively on an almost daily basis.
Sometimes I forget that I have 3 other little people that depend on me for their own understanding of the world around them. They are watching me, learning from me, and feeling my emotions. Sometimes, at this stage in their life, I choose THEIR happy too. Daunting and overwhelming, but true.
It hit me today (like a huge brick over my head) that we needed to get outside today. Before we all completely lose it. Not that we don’t get out on a daily basis, but the same old, same old gets to me. The same walk, the same bike ride, the same route. I needed (and so did they) a break from the normal.
I needed to put my feet in the water. They needed to chase a toy down the stream again and again. I needed to unplug and engage fully in THEM. They needed me to laugh and participate in their fun, not just watch it.
An hour playing in a silly stream in our neighborhood changed the day completely. I choose my happy, and that HAPPY is outside doing something adventurous (on whatever level that may be) and active. It’s how I feel right in the world again. Now I just have to figure out how I forget that so very easily.
How do YOU choose YOUR happy?
© 2015, Tales of a Mountain Mama. All rights reserved. Republication, in part or entirety, requires a link back to this original post and permission from the author.