I am not the parent I ever thought I would be.
Maybe because I wasn’t one of those gals that had my whole life planned out from a young age. Maybe because I am ever-slowly learning and forming my own opinions and working together with my husband to make the best life for our kids. Maybe because life happens – really before you know it. Maybe because I’m human and we all make mistakes.
I thought I was so patient. I thought I would never yell. I thought I would spend hours playing with my kids (and the household chores would be done too, of course).
Some days I can hardly wait until bedtime. Life with little ones is simply controlled chaos. We joke life with 5 kids now is like managing a mass causality incident and implementing the triage system.
I raise my voice more often than even I care to admit.
I don’t really LIKE playing – it’s more time for them to learn and explore and me to have a break.
Am I a bad mom? Nope, I don’t think so. Just different than I envisioned.
I may lose my temper at times, but I know how to ask for forgiveness.
I sometimes raise my voice, but most moms will agree it comes with the territory of keeping order and just real life.
But, more importantly – I know what I need and what my kids need (and I do my very best to provide that).
I love hiking behind my kids and watching them discover the awe that is simply nature. I love seeing them become aware of what their little bodies are capable of as they check off miles on the trail.
While they relish in the fact that they can be as loud as possible outside, I find myself hushed by the majesty around me and rarely tempted to lose my temper.
I love watching my kids learn to ride a bike with pedals or ski independently for the first time (while we cringe behind them waiting for a fall and trying to not rescue).
I always laugh when our toddlers insist on climbing in the hiking pack or throw a fit when they miss out on an adventure.
And I feel like a job well done when we bond as a family over a simple camping trip or epic adventure.
I never realized the outdoors would encompass who we are as a family so completely. It’s not just something my husband and I like that we drag the kids out on. Soon enough I am certain they will be the ones leading.
And so while I am constantly working on myself to be the best I can be (because I owe myself, my husband AND my kids that), I find comfort in the fact that even on the worst of days, I know the outdoors feeds my soul AND my family (sometimes quite literally!)
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