We know that getting our family outdoors boosts immunity, uplifts challenging moods, creates bonds, bolsters mental health and inspires creativity and connection to nature.
But have you thought about how we can use time outdoors for building grit in our children that will be useful in many other areas of life? Even if our family adventures feel messy, frustrating, exhausting, and full of challenge they are still so worthwhile. Actually, our Tales of a Mountain Mama Team agrees that these may be the most worthwhile of all. What better way to prepare our kids for the unpredictable life ahead of them than to work through tough stuff, together.
Along with our quick tips and ideas on how to cultivate grit in the outdoors from babyhood to the teenage years, the Tales of a Mountain Mama shares stories below about how they have used outdoor adventure to help their children cultivate grit.
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Cultivate Grit in the Outdoors
To cultivate grit is to make intentional effort over time to build passion and perseverance. Using the outdoors to build grit means carving out time in our families for some slow and steady learning with outdoor adventures and activities, choosing to take on challenges as a family, using language early on that exposes our children to what grit means and what it looks like, and modeling grit ourselves.
“In my opinion, my kids have a pretty easy life. It’s tough to develop much grit if you live in an idyllic town and have easy access to everything you could need or want, a loving family, etc. Grit comes from doing hard things. From failing at things and trying again. From suffering a bit. Hopefully with a rewarding ending. So in our family, we try to create opportunities for our kids to develop that. We hike mountains, we ski uphill, we bikepack and backpack with some big miles.” -TMM Team Member Mary Burton
Helping our children build grit serves them well for the long term not only in outdoor adventures, but in play, academics, sports, achieving challenging and long-term goals, and maintaining strong mental health.
Why Use the Outdoors for Building Grit?
The outdoors are a great place to build grit for ourselves and our children.
Challenges present themselves readily, in the form of inclement weather, changing plans, gear malfunctions, or unpredictable elements of nature. These challenges require adaptability and problem-solving. We can use an activity or sport that our family already loves in order to build grit: hiking, biking, boating, skiing, camping, rock climbing, running, and so much more. And, finally, doing your family’s favorite outdoor activity together and working through the challenges of it as a team grows a strong family team.
“We can’t expect our kids to develop grit without giving them chances to do it and then talking to them about why it’s important to develop grit. Our six year old is so nervous about doing anything and I constantly have to remind him that doing scary things makes him brave, tough, and stronger every time. We do most, if not all, of these things as a family. They’re expected to do hard things, but not alone. We all bouy each other up, and help where we can, so we accomplish things together.” -TMM Team Member Mary Burton
Six Tips on Grit for All Ages
While building grit may look different for a baby than it does for a teen, there are some tips that apply across the board, even for us as adults. As your family starts to make intentional efforts to use the outdoors to build grit, consider how each of these might look on adventures in your unique family set up.
- Set realistic goals and celebrate all wins.
- Slow down to problem-solve.
- Focus on the process.
- Praise perseverance above all.
- Expand comfort zones.
- Do tough stuff, and add some fun.
“My main thought, this could be for any age: kids complain. They might complain their pillow is too soft or their lemonade is too sweet. So don’t be discouraged if they complain sometimes about the activity you are doing. They will grow into people who are less likely to complain about that soft pillow. ” – TMM Team Member Laura Tolbert
How Parents Can Model Building Grit
It can be tempting as parents not to let our kids see us struggle. We want to be the strong, steady forces in our children’s lives, the secure place they can always come back to. This may require a bit of a perspective shift, but think about how powerful it is for kids to see us work through hard things, openly. This gives them a road map for handling challenges they will surely face throughout life. This lets them know that even strong, steady people struggle and that that doesn’t make them less strong or steady. This allows them to witness how messy true growth is.
“Let your kids see you struggle through things too. We (all 4 of us) bike race and see each other have good days and bad days. The girls have seen or heard us talk about crashing and sometimes that’s just a part of riding bikes. We have all crashed in races, and managed to get back up and keep riding.
Our kids have also been there when we have accomplished some hard things like my husband running an Ultra Marathon or us completing a 24 hr duo bike race.” -TMM Team Member Jami Rogers
Pick a Tip
Choose one tip at a time from above to focus on for yourself. What is an area where your own grit could use some bolstering? What avenue can you use to get there? Consider how you can tackle both the physical and mental sides.
“We do tough things as adults so our kids are aware that we’re not afraid to push ourselves physically and set tough goals that we train for.” – TMM Team Member Mary Burton
Talk About it with Your Family
Talk with your family about your intention to build grit in this way, and check in as you go to let them know where you’re making progress, where you’re still facing challenges, and see if they can help you problem-solve.
“Every day our kids witness us doing hard things. And when WE complain (because LIFE!) we also share that we know that doesn’t help the whole family and talk through building grit.” -TMM Editor Amelia Mayer
Get Inspired
Try making a vision board of the 6 tips and add notes and pictures as you progress. Do the same for your children! Read through some great outdoor parenting books. Take a workshop or class to learn a new skill. Grow your adventure community to inspire each other and add accountability.
Helping Babies and Toddlers Build Grit
Start Small, and Frequent
Just as adults start with small adventures and challenges when new to the outdoors, we want to start small with babies, toddlers, or kids of any age that are new to the outdoors, and we want to do small things frequently. This helps build confidence in the outdoors, and gives us practice as parents in celebrating small wins and praising progress over perfection.
While we may be tempted to wait on adventuring until our littlest family members have more capabilities, starting in the very early years means that we are shaping our young child’s view of outdoor adventure as being just what we do as a family.
This also helps us, as parents, gain confidence in this new challenge of outdoor adventure. We may have been used to running marathons, bagging peaks, and skiing full days. That doesn’t stop when we have children. But let’s admit that once there are kids in the mix, a forgotten diaper or not enough snacks can serve to build our own grit in a whole different way.
Start small with babies and toddlers by:
- Investing in just a few pieces of gear and clothing to last, protect, and comfort. Trust us, you don’t need all the things!
- Do it with a friend. This holds us accountable as parents, gives us company, and someone to troubleshoot with.
- Don’t stop, adjust.This is my personal mantra for making adjustments in outdoor adventuring, whether that’s due to adding children to the mix, injury or changes in health, or any other new challenge that life throws at me. For example, if you camped pre-baby don’t stop camping, adjust how it looks. At first, that might mean backyard camping or camping closer to home. It may mean shorter trips as you get the hang of it, more camping meal prep or easier meals while you are in this season of life. Before you know it, you’ll be back to bigger adventures.
- Enjoy backyard adventures.
Give Them Grit Words
As your toddler’s language starts exploding and you give them words to express their feelings and needs, give them grit words too. You can work this into so many activities without reserving these words only for situations we might think they apply to as adults.
As your toddler works through a frustration with getting LEGO to click together, praise her perseverance with that challenge. When she solves a problem in a way you hadn’t thought of, let her know what a creative problem-solver she is. When she adapts to a simple plan changing, like library story time being canceled, point out how flexible she is.
In everyday situations with babies and toddlers, you can also point out and praise determination, strong teamwork, risk assessment and thinking things through, and bravery. Don’t reserve these powerful words only for outdoor adventures!
Be Okay With a Bit of Safe Discomfort
While it is our natural inclination as parents to keep kids comfortable, when it comes to building grit do your best to remember that safety and comfort are not the same thing. We need to keep our children safe. If they are safe it’s okay if they are uncomfortable.
One of the easiest ways to get yourself and your baby or toddler used to safe discomfort is to go outside in all weather. Before you do so, make sure you know the safety information for extreme heat and extreme cold. Dress yourself and your baby appropriately.
And then head outside, even in short stints, in wind, rain, or snow. Not only does this get our children used to discomfort outside, it helps them see that we can enjoy ourselves even on days that aren’t all sunshine and blue skies.
We can also expose our babies and toddlers to small doses of discomfort by giving them lots of opportunities for sensory experiences-some they may like and some maybe not so much, doing some naps with unfamiliar elements- simply leave the curtains open once in a while during nap,for example, and continuing to expose them to lots of different kinds of foods.
While always prioritizing safety first, striking a balance between respecting your child’s preferences and gently introducing some discomfort can build a lot of grit in the long run.
Helping Young Children Build Grit
Continue giving young children grit words to describe everyday situations, and continue allowing some safe discomfort. Add these tips too!
“A good moment in our house recently…wwe were discussing our upcoming bike race for the weekend and I had asked Kylie (9 years old) if she wanted to try short track. I gave her all the info: it would be VERY hard, she would probably be the youngest in a 14 and under race, and its an all out effort for 20ish minutes. After some discussion, she responded with ‘I’ll do it, we can do hard things!’ Proud parent moment.” -TMM Team Member Jami Rogers
Set Small Goals Together
As your children get to the age of developing their own adventure preferences and being able to express them, start setting outdoor recreation goals together for them and working together to come up with a few action steps to achieve their goals. Make a visual together to help them track their own progress.
Supporting your child in their personal outdoor goals may mean using some family time or one on one time for their preferred activity. It could look like finding a camp or workshop for them to build their skills. Encourage them to include their friends and coordinate with friends’ parents to organize time spent on the outdoor activity.
As your child works toward their goals, point out and praise their progress and perseverance and talk through hiccups and challenges together to problem-solve.
Help Them Make Connections
As young children begin to understand the wider world a bit more than they did in the toddler years, help them start to make connections between moments when they demonstrate grit in the outdoors and moments when it shows up in other areas of their lives, and vice versa.
Children can start to see how grit begets grit when we point out things like how the same bravery they used to tackle a tough ski run on Saturday showed up again on Monday during a school presentation, or that their response to losing a basketball game gave them the determination to try again not only at next week’s game, but at a local hike they didn’t finish on the first try.
Helping Tweens and Teens Build Grit
By now, you might have years of experience with the tips from above. Try adding these for tweens and teens.
Set Big Goals Together
Your tween or teen might be ready to think about bigger outdoor adventure goals that require more planning, training, prepping, and a longer timeline. This is a great age to empower them in a big way and gently guide them toward their goal.
This may include sourcing and earning funding for a big trip, adventure, or gear, sticking to a training schedule, developing a system for organizing trip logistics like packing and meals, and understanding any specific health and safety knowledge they may need.
Support Them in Building an Outdoor Community
For babies and toddlers outside, we build a community of like-minded parents to adventure with. For younger children, we likely continue some of these relationships while also giving our children space to develop their own adventure community. For tweens and teens, an outdoor community can be a huge motivator, learning experience, and inspiration just as it is for us as adults.
Depending on your child, their interests, and their goals, you can support them in finding a local hiking group, joining a ski team, entering bike races, attending workshops and trainings, and joining an adventure trip for kids their age.
“Our kids recently wanted to climb a local peak that is known to be pretty physically demanding. So we let them. They struggled, they complained, they needed so many breaks and they finished it utterly exhausted and swore they’d never climb a mountain again. But the next week, they were bragging about their accomplishment, and planning their next peak. We talked about how there’s a special kind of feeling you can only get from pushing through hard things. It’s not a feeling someone can give you, it’s the reward after the struggle. Whenever they are struggling with a hard thing, we bring back the example of climbing that peak, how hard and miserable it was but how awesome that felt accomplishing it (after a good rest ).” –TMM Team Member Mary Burton
Helping your children cultivate grit on outdoor adventures will have huge benefits for them in many areas of their lives. While it can be challenging to push comfort zones, allow discomfort, and focus on the process it’s so rewarding when you see the payoff of small, intentional effort made over time.
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